And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
