Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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