dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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