Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
