How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
