He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
