my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
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