I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
