i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
