I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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