That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
