yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
