I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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