3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
