My hand turned me down
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
