thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
