I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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