So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
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