Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
