I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
