I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize