i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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