Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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