i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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