you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
