I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
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WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
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She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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