Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize