Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
