Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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