You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
