remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
