I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
