I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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