I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
