I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
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How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I need to calm my uterus...
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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