dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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