Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
