remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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