I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
