I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
