You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
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