we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
