im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
