He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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