We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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