all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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