I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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