I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
