were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
