hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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