That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
