You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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