i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
