I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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