I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Randomize
