I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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