i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
