I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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