Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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