I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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