I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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