So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
