Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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