I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
