im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
