so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
