I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
