i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
