he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
