hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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