I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
