he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
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I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
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Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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