take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
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