does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
