In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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