I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
