I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
