Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
