I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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