if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
