Non-Jews are for practice
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
