i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You smell like stripper and shame
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
