Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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