my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Randomize
