there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize