Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
