cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
