my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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